24 January 2019

Flames


I can't Google this
I can't Google why I'm angry
This raging fire can only be tamed
From within
But before
I tame it
Can I sit with it?

Can I breathe while the heat dizzies my mind
Can I remember Love
Can I remember that all is impermanent
Can I be ok with not being ok?

~

Fire
Anger
Rage
Oh this body feels violated
Bags of chemo
Pints of drugs
A device resides under my skin
Three surgery scars hide quietly under my clothes
A dozen machines have made me feel like
An object
Dozens of needles have poked this flesh
Thousands of steps in and out and around hospitals
Eyes and fingers and hands
Doctors and nurses and technicians
Have poked and probed 
This body
My body
Feels
Violated

Now, can I be angry?
Can I feel a little sorry for myself?
Can I muster the strength and courage
To shake off all the residue energies
All the dust, all the dirt
Can I howl and say,
"Poor me!"
Can I cry ponds of tears
And grieve
To heal

You see,
We don't need death
To grieve
Pain can be so intense
This is how it flows
Anger
Rage
Sorrow
Tears
I hold my heart
Cradled like a baby in my palms
I lift her up to the Sun Goddess
Ma
Ma'am
Soothe my raging mind
Soothe my aching heart
Soothe my fragile soul
Ma
Jai ma
Bathe my heart
Bathe me
With your golden rays
Bathe me with wisdom
With love
With grace
So my soul
Can heal

Amal
24 January 2019

1 comment:

maharani said...

Powerful !
Yes claim your anger.
Embody your anger.
Feel it.
Grieve it.

Let the flames burn all that no longer serves.
This is the grace of your tapasya and devotion.
You have every right to feel it and feel it deeply so it can simply dissipate.
The anger is "tamed" by your compassionate and tender acknowledgement.
Mother it.
Mother yourself just as MA holds you always.
With great respect and love.
Jagadambe mata ki jai.
Jai Ma !