21 August 2015

Love Love

In an extensive catch-up session about our lives, my friend asked me if I really loved my boyfriend. I said yes. He then repeated, “but I mean LOVE, like, there are two kinds of love, there’s the love you love everything and everyone, and there’s "LOVE LOVE”. I paused. I didn't understand the difference, but I understood what he meant. He wanted to know if I had “special” feelings for my boyfriend, if I looked at him like some sort of knight in shining armour, if I was really happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Because I wasn't bothered to enter a long discussion about it, I abruptly said yes, it’s “love love”.

However, this love love business has been whirling in the corner of my mind for a few days now and I just don’t get it. I don’t understand the difference between the love we love everything and everyone and the love we love someone we date/become partners with/marry. Isn't it all the same? I think that romantic love is forcefully separated from the general concept of love for many personal, social and economic reasons, and if anything, the concept of romantic love is often overrated and burdened with heavy expectations leading to much drama.

Most of us definitely develop more intimate connections within romantic settings than others, especially bearing in mind the deeply intimate nature of the common physical connection. However, how does that put a romantic, “love love” connection in a level of its own? Aren't we dealing with love in such a dry economic way in this case, putting more value and giving more “meaning” to one form of love as opposed to the other on the mere basis of intimacy?

I struggle to see the core difference. Love is one, it is the utter bright light within each one of us that connects us to each other and to the universe with its full plethora of components. Love is unquantifiable, immeasurable and uncategorizable, there is no little love or a lot of love, there is no small love or big love, there is no yellow love or blue love. I cannot project my feelings externally and feel love towards anything or anyone without loving myself truly from within, and I definitely cannot share love with anything or anyone without being almost directly impacted by the sweet effects of such a connection on me at the same time.

So the true answer is that I love him. I love him in the only way I know how to love. I love him like I love me. I love everything in him that is me, everything in him that I wish to be, everything in him that is so him and everything in him that is completely new to me. There are no borders for our love, for it melts into how we love ourselves, our friends, our families, our surroundings, our foolishness, our wounds, our dreams, our laughs, our music, our cravings, our nonsense, our all. It is all one; love. It just takes endless forms and shapes, that’s all. And I honestly no more care about the form, as long as the light shines. As long as love is felt, it is love.

Happy loving.

Amal - Aug 2015

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