26 April 2007

On Loving Men with a Fearless Generous Smile

I know I'm not expected to be blogging – I just couldn’t resist posting this; my mind's been merrily active lately:

I, once, like so many young and old women, allowed myself to be victimized by men. I hated them. I cursed them all. In my mind, transformed them into very hot ovens and dumped all my anger, fears, and frustrations on them. But as soon as I’d spot one that could put a smile on my heart, my fuming view of the ovens would vanish. When that very same Mr. disappoints me, he would turn into another oven.

My above mentioned behaviour had disappeared by the age of 21.

After dealing with so many men, discussing the drama with so many friends, with the help of some literature and after reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I came to the conclusion that my confusion has lead me to generalization as an attempt to deal with men in a unified and easy way. My approach was wrong. Well, at least it didn’t work well for me, as I realized the following:

1. Men are not always “evil”. They aren’t all and always “senseless”.
2. Women are not always “victims”. They aren’t all and always “abused”.
3. Human beings are diverse in their behaviour and their nature. Multiple factors beside their gender contribute to their attitudes.
4. Intimate relationships result in more emotional suffering due to closeness. The genders involved do not necessarily contribute to the severity of distress. We clash with our families all the time. We aren’t always on prefect terms with our mates. Amorous relationship hurt the most for a number of reasons, the below are simply a kick-off:
     a. We are not trained to handle the accompanying heartaches properly.
     b. The media only teaches us how to love and how to cry. Movies rarely introduce real-life solutions to break-ups and related difficulties, they usually propose more sex and/or love as solution. Hardly effective and usually complicating. (By the way, rebounds are one big joke I never really got).
     c. The detachment is usually more severe due to the intense emotional and social involvement in each other’s lives.
     d. Our hearts are involved!

Now, back to men. At the innocent age of 24, I still see so many women having the same sexist and generalizing attitude that I used to have a few years ago. It disturbs me a lot, mainly because these women are denying themselves the chance to embrace men and enjoy something they love to do: showering men with unconditional affection. Needless to say, they are being unfair towards men when most demand equal rights and treatment. Above all that, it reflects their fears, their tendency to feel victimized and their refusal to overcome the difficulties they face in such relationships.

From my point of view, women will only play a healthier role in their relationships with men once they shed their discriminating sexist views, stop looking at men as “the Other” and start loving them as fellow human beings.

I love men, and I am not ashamed of admitting that. I enjoy their existence. I just wish my fellow friends shared my point of view. The world would be a happier and healthier place, I promise.

Now I shall return to my vacation.


Amna J. Hassan said...

I think the same article could b addressed to men with a few changes

Faceless said...

hear, hear!

SoulSearch said...

I beg to defer. It is the same mentality of men that have degraded women through out history. Women were (and in many instances, still) view women as sexual objects and housemaids.
I do agree with you though that there are many men who have respect for women, who look up to women, but the general perception (especially in the Arab World) is still not upto par.
Look around you and you would be shocked. There are still honor killings in Jordan and Pakistan, there are women beaten up and abused everywhere, there are women denied the right to an education, heck even denied the right to an opinion.

Whilst women and men maybe somewhat on an equal footing in the relationship section, women are way below in the rights section, and that in turn does undermine their sense of self-worth and does create a rift between two sexes, all of course thanks to the way women are brought up to view themselves and others.

Sorry for the huge comment.
Enjoy your holiday, and keep in touch always.