07 November 2018

آفاق الأمل


اتطلع الى
فنجان قهوة فرنسية
يجلب بعضاً من الدفء
الى جسمي الحسّاس للهواء عادةً
والمتصبب عرقاً حالياً

اتطلع الى
امتداد فسحات الوقت
دون الإنشغال بزيارات المستشفى
والإبر والأنابيب وطنين الأجهزة
ورائحة منظف الأراضي الذي يُدمع عيني من شدة كيماويته

اتطلع الى إنغمار جسمي بموج البحر
وماء حمامٍ ساخن طويل
وبخار حمام مغربي لذيذ
يحمل بعيداً عني ركام أشهرٍ من التحمل والجهد

اتطلع الى
جسمي الهادئ المرتاح المتمايل
المتراقص مع نغمات حب الطبيعة

اتطلع الى درجات أعلى من نشوات السعادة 

اتطلع الى ليال نومٍ أعمق

اتطلع إلى صُحبة أحبائي
ضمهم الى صدري المتعطش للأحضان
والتغزل والإحتفال
بحب هذه الحياة الجميلة ألحانها

هو الحب
حاضر في كل لحظة
يرسم آفاق جديدة
مليئة
بسحر محبة لا تنضب
وقلبٍ لا يتردد في رسم الفرح


أمل
نوفمبر ٢٠١٨

11 October 2018

أصدق نسخة من نفسي


أصدق نسخة من نفسي
هي تلك التي أعرفها أنا عن قرب
وهي تلك التي أحبها أكثر

يرى الناس ما ترى أفئدتهم وتجاربهم
يغمرونني محبة
يطلقون علي ألقاباً لا أفهمها
(أنا لم أعد أستشعر
غير لغة المحبة)
يوسمونني بأوسام لا أجدها فيّ
يُسقطون منظوراتهم عليّ
وأجدني أحياناُ
بجانب هذا الكم الهائل من المحبة 
في وسط ضوضاء الوصف
ضوضاء ضوضاء
كلماتٌ وعباراتٌ وأوصاف
في زخمها تشد أمل ثوبي
بعينيها العسليتين الواسعتين
تذكرني
بأصدق نسخة من نفسي
هي تلك التي أعرفها أنا عن قرب
وهي تلك التي أحبها أكثر


أمل
أكتوبر ٢٠١٨

27 September 2018

كابرت

كابرت

كابرت كابرت
كابرت وظننت
أن القصة إنتهت
عندما إنتهينا

كابرت على بعض نفسي
آثرت المحبة على الكره
آثرت الإمتنان على الغضب
ظننتُني أستطيع أن أنسلخ
من تلك التي أحبتك
تلك التي فاض بها الوجع حتى صارت لا تبصره

ظننتُني أكبر من نفسي
وإذ
ها أنا
بورمٍ في الثدي
يطلب أن أنتبه إليه
كطفلٍ يشد ثوبي
لأعترف به

لم تكن أنت من يريد منه وجعي الإعتراف به
كان الوجع
يريدني أنا
أنا
أن أراه
بكل حنانٍ
بكل محبة
بمنتهى الإحتضان
بمنتهى الشفافية
حتى يشفى


أمل
سبتمبر ٢٠١٨

11 August 2018

Shedding a Layer


I let go of the need for you to validate my wounds
I let go of the need for you to
See me
Strong
Weak
For you to see
Me
I let go of the need for you to see
Me
As a victim of your decisions
A hero despite you

I let go of the need
For me to prove anything to you

I let go
I shed this layer
I shed these layers of dust
Of pain
Of illusion
Of anger
Of frustration

I shed the tired, exhausted layer
Of self blame
Of self hatred
I shed this
I shed this
I let go

I am not that
I no longer need it

I let go

I let go of the connection to you
The story with you
The drama, the thoughts, all

I'm done
It's time to turn the page
I let go

I bathe myself with love
I bathe myself with rose petals
I bathe myself with the pure, kind light of the present moment
I bathe myself with softness
Acceptance
Liberation
I bathe myself with gratitude
I bathe myself with the beauty of love
Innocence
Presence

I love me
I love and accept myself 
As I am
As is
Now
Here

amal
10 Aug 2018

04 June 2018

7 Tips on the Road to Healing (Physical) Pain


I never thought that one day I’d be writing this. Not only had I taken my body’s health and stability for granted, I never expected I’d have such an interesting journey towards healing.

I’m sharing these tips because I was recently asked how I am managing the knee pain I’ve been experiencing for a while. I definitely don’t have all the answers, I still have mild knee pain, but I am happy that it’s very minimal at the moment and not as excruciating and as crippling as it once used to be.

Here are seven tips on the road to healing physical pain:

1. Follow your gut feeling

Listen to your body wisely and see what it tells you. Move from a place of love and compassion towards yourself. This may require creating a space of quiet to listen better.

2. Modify your practice

If you wish to continue your yoga (or any physical) practice then simply modify! And keep modifying and changing as you need to. Use props, they can give you so much support! There might also be some poses to avoid completely at certain times.
In the case of my knees, in general, grounding, steady poses worked for me more than vinyasas/sun salutation and rapid movements. I also avoid deep knee bends and extensions and I’m careful with hip openers. When sitting on the floor is painful, I sit on a chair! For me the key change was to slow down and listen. On the mat as well as off the mat.

3. Ask your body what it’s trying to tell you

Be inquisitive and ask questions. The answers will arrive when the time is right. And the answers might change and have updates with time. All is good. With me, my knees were telling me to slow down. To have faith in where I was heading (marriage!). They also helped me heal some key relationships.

4. Explore different healing programs

Create your personal team of healers. From my end, besides checking by bone and joint health with an orthopedic, I took private yoga therapy classes, saw personal trainers, did ayurvedic treatment, physiotherapy and even energy healing and therapy to deal with my thoughts and feelings. Speaking to my friends and fellow yoga teachers to reflect on findings helped so much as well, made me feel heard and even provided key insights. Everything helped.

5. Make lifestyle amendments

How do you sit? How do you drive? How do you walk? How do you sleep? When do you sleep? How’s your posture when you’re out shopping, dining or even when chilling on the couch? If any of those movements or positions hurt, modify! It’s still asana.

6. Look into your diet

Eat intuitively and observe the effect of food on you. Does the pain flare up after eating certain foods? Maybe you need to drink more water? Or eat warmer foods? What’s your digestion like and what’s your elimination like?

7. Take it easy

Healing is all about attitude. Believe that you are well and that you can even get better. If you’re judging yourself, see if you can instead handle the discomfort with love, compassion and kindness. Keep enjoying life, live, explore, laugh, play.

Hope these tips aid you on your healing journey. If you have more tips, please leave a comment below.

May all beings be well, happy and healthy.

Blessings,
Amal - Jun 2018

01 April 2018

أنا الكون الذي أحلم به

Image source

أنا الكون الذي أحلم به

أنا الكون الذي أحلم به
كل شيء موجودً هنا
كل الأشياء التي أحبها
الهند
الرقص
الموسيقى
نشوة السعادة
سماءٌ تدعوني لأحلق بأرجائها
كل شيء هنا
أنا الكون الذي أحلم به

أمل
يناير 2018

04 March 2018

Mountain

Dharamashala, India. June 2016
Mountain
Lush
Green
Expansive towards the heavens
Tall
Big
Steady
Gentle
A crimson heart infinitely generous with kindness
Rests at centre
Shining from the core
Divine
Divine
You are a temple of love
I bring my palms together and kiss your soul
I bow to your sweet feet
Bliss
Love
Gratitude
Till I melt in you

amal - Feb 2018

02 February 2018

Journey

I had to learn to be single
To learn how to be a compassionate partner

I had to learn to be independent
To learn how to be supported

I had to learn to be silent
To learn how to speak with love

I had to learn to be still
To learn how to move gracefully

I had to learn to be alone
To learn how to be part of a community

I had to learn to love myself
To learn how to love other beings

I had to learn to surrender
To learn how to realise my dreams

I had to sit with chaoes
To know peace

I had to recognise pain
To know sweet joy

I had to break
To heal

I had to take all the steps of the journey
To get here
To be filled with gratitude
To know
To let go
To be


amal - Feb 2018

31 January 2018

Truth Within


Hush
World
I need to listen 
To my light 
Friends, gurus, healers, teachers,
Quotables, books, talks, speakers,
Enough
My cup is full
My capacity to consider your opinions is currently saturated
Thank you, but for now, enough
I need 
To touch the truth 
Within
I know it is all here;
Unparalleled wisdom
Sweet, nectar-dripping love
Freedom from the bondage of illusion
Liberty
Serenity
Growth
Prosperity
Strength
Tapas
Agni
It is all here
All here
Here
Within
My precious
Heart

amal - Jan 2018

14 December 2017

وطني بمحبة


وطني حبيبي
أريد أن أحبك بمحبة
دون غضب
دون قهر
دون حزن
دون تعلق

أريد أن أحبك بحرية
من قيود أنا ونحن وأنتم وهم

أريد أن أحبك بثقة، بلا خوف

..

أُطلق سراح الجميع من أحكامي
أُسامح جميع من آذوا
أمسح على جروح جميع من تأذوا
وأُصلي للسلام والوئام

أتحرر
أتحرر
من كل ‏التهيآت
أتحرر
أحلق
أحلق
طيراً حراً في أرجاء سماك
 أحلق
أنطلق
أرقص
"في رُباك
في رُباك"


أمل - ديسمبر 2017

01 December 2017

In Faith

Here we are
A moment, new
A fresh space
To articulate
The beauty of Love

I’ve no idea
What may come;
Battles
Losses
Celebrations
Laughter
Chaos
Madness
Play
Magic..
All
All
All is a blessing

Here we are
Afront a new page
Untrodden territory
Beautiful for what it is;
Untrodden,
Untainted by knowledge,
Trusted in faith

My soft steps advance..
Praying expectations shall rest behind
Faithful intentions shall wisely guide
And that I am
We are
We all are
In the care of the Beloved.

In faith
All paths are one
All routes
Are of Love
With Love
To Love


Om Namo Narayani

Amal - Dec 2017

08 November 2017

هكذا يحط الحزن


وهكذا يحط الحزن
يفرش جناحَيه القاتـِمَين
يفترش محيطك
ويسيل الدمع الأسود
من عينيك
من مساماتك
من ابطيك
وكأنه يغسلك من حزنك
بحزنك

لا تعرف من أين أتى
ما ناداه
من أرسله

يحط بثقله
يأخذك فجأة وأنت وحدك
وقته الآن
لا مفر

وأنت وحدك
تفهم كل شئ ولا تفهم

يصلك بماضٍ تُفضل أن تؤمن أنك انفصلت عنه
يأخذك إلى غدٍ لا تعرف كيف ستخطو إليه

هو هكذا الحزن
حاضرٌ منشغلٌ بوقتٍ آخر

هذا الحزن
طفلٌ يبحث عن حضن
لا يبغي غير مساحةٍ آمنة
يحط فيها برهة..
لتنظر إليه
ويطير بعيداً


أمل - نوفمبر 2017

27 October 2017

On Yoga Teachers, Pain & Sharing


A while back, a yoga teacher friend of mine shared something personal with me. She said she wasn’t telling people the real reason how her neck was in pain when they would ask why she was wearing a neck brace. She told me she fell down in a funny way in her headstand, but she preferred not to share that because she didn’t want to give people the impression that yoga was dangerous. I sympathized, I understood, but recently I started thinking that we might have a problem.

As yoga teachers, whether we take the therapy approach or not, I suppose I can safely assume that we do aim to support our students’ wellbeing, be it physical, emotional, mental or energetic. Many of us do express the benefits of yoga and encourage people to expand, engage, be present, etc. Yet I find that there is so much emphasis on the “benefits of yoga” that when we ourselves are in pain, we don’t know how to express that, we don’t share it very comfortably.

I’ve been suffering with knee and hip pain for months now, and I’m exploring various approaches to help stabilize and heal. I accept that it may be a lengthy learning process, it is what it is. But at the same time I sometimes find myself thinking twice before confiding in a fellow teacher how agonizing it has been of a journey, a part of me feels insecure because in my head it sounds like I am the only yoga teacher I know who has some kind of chronic pain she doesn’t know yet how to fully resolve. I know that’s in no way true, I know my ego is desperately dramatising, but it could also be that I don’t hear my fellow yoga teachers expressing or sharing such experiences, thus my ego feels alone (and weird) in this.

Is shame there somewhere? Do we feel like we’ve failed at delivering what we preach? Are we too proud to admit that we, just like everyone else, can get injured or mismanage our bodies? Too proud to express our need for help? Are we too caught up in an idealistic image of ourselves that we desperately want to identify with that image, even if it wasn’t the truth?

It doesn’t sound right to me, and it doesn’t sit well. I feel we need to talk.

Earlier today the universe pushed me to attend a group class (a friend’s special celebration). Honestly, I wanted to avoid attending, but I showed up to step on my ego (and be with my friend) and ended up modifying 95% of the poses to be kind to my knees. And you know what, I did most of that with my eyes closed, and it was blissful. Today, I didn’t care much about what others would think of my not-in-line-with-the-teacher-poses.

I think we need to talk. I think we need to normalize the talk about our struggles - be them emotional, mental or physical. Yes yoga teachers get their heart broken, we have desires, we stray off our “disciplined” paths, we eat junk sometimes, get hangovers, get annoyed, be annoying, wake up with neck pain, have constipation, forget to breathe deeply and can be a mess at times. Being certified as a yoga teacher does not take away your bad karma forever and does not shield you from suffering. It just shows you a way to have more compassionate awareness, and that is what we teach, and that is what we ought to primarily practice in our lives. Compassionate awareness.

I pray we share with love and compassion. I pray we hold space for ourselves and for each other. I pray all beings are well, healthy and happy.
Om Shanti.

Amal - Oct 2017