30 September 2016

رحلة الإستسلام وتسليم النفس

درمشالا، شمال الهند
Original Article in English
رحلة "الإستسلام وتسليم النفس"

خلال هذه الفترة من العام الماضي، كنت قد بدأت أشعر بمزيج من الألم واليأس والإنكسار، حيث وجدت نفسي في مواقف متتالية تحطم "الأنا" في داخلي. وفي غضم تجربتي الصعبة، كان أهم ما "أنقذني" وساعدني هو أن أستسلم وأسلم نفسي. فقد أدركت أنه ليس هناك داعي لأمتلك السيطرة التامة على مجريات حياتي دائماً، وليس هناك داعي لأكون دائماً في مكان يمنحني الراحة أو الاستقرار بشكل تام، وليس هناك داعي لأن تجري الأمور دائماً وفق مخططاتي أو رغباتي. فعندما أتخلص من دور "المسؤول" وأسلم أمري، يبدو أنني في الوقت ذاته أرحب بما يقدمه الكون لي من هدايا جميلة تفوق التوقعات، وأسمح لنفسي بأن أستقبلها وأستلمها وأستمتع بها.


في الوقت ذاته، لا أنكر بأن الطريق عبر وإلى "الإستسلام تسليم النفس" قد يكون وعراً ومزيناً بالعقبات، خصوصاً عندما يتدخل "العقل" أو "الأنا" ويثرثر بصوت عال. سألتني إحدى الصديقات مؤخراً سؤالاً بسيطاً إنما جوهرياً: كيف أمارس "تسليم النفس"؟ كيف يمكنني أن أخفف من محاولة سيطرتي على الأمور وأسمح للعالم بأن يأخذني إلى أي مكان؟


وكانت إجابتي كالتالي:


التقليل من الخوف
تتمثل أحد أبرز العقبات التي تواجهنا في هذه الرحلة في التخلص أو التقليل من الشعور بالخوف، وأعني هنا الخوف من فقدان الأشياء والناس والهوية والشعور بالأمن، الخ، والخوف من التعرض للأذى، والخوف من التغيير، والخوف من المجهول، والخوف من عدم مقدرتنا على التعامل مع ما نخشاه. وهذا الخوف - للأسف وبصراحة - عادة ما نرثه بشكل أساسي من قبل أمهاتنا وآبائنا، والذين من منطلق المحبة والإهتمام، يواصلون إسقاط خوفهم علينا حتى بعد أن نكبر في العمر ونخوض تجارب الحياة بأنفسنا. وعلى الرغم من وجود سبب وجيه لتوظيف درجة من الخوف عندما كنا أطفالاً، فنحن على الأغلب لم نعد بحاجة إلى ذلك كأشخاص بالغين.


ففي الكبر، يعمل الخوف بمثابة "درع عاطفي" نرتديه لحماية أنفسنا من التعرض للألم أو الأذى، ولكنه في المقابل يحجب المشاعر والتجارب والفرص والقدرة على مشاركة المحبة وتبادلها. وكما ينصحنا المتحدث والمؤلف العالمي "ماكس ستروم" والذي يسترسل في كتابه (A Life Worth Breathing) في شرح فكرة "الدرع العاطفي"، فليس هناك داعي لنا، ككبار وبالغين، أن نواصل ارتداء هذا الدرع.


الشعور والتقبل
في محاولتنا لتقليل مخاوفنا، من المفيد جداً أن نسمح لمشاعرنا وأفكارنا بأن تكون موجودة، ونتقبلها دون أن نحكم عليها أو نقسو على أنفسنا بسببها، لأنها ببساطة جزء من التجربة الإنسانية التي نمر بها، ومن الأفضل أن نعبر عنها في بيئة رحبة ودافئة بدلاً من أن نقمعها. قد يبدو الأمر متناقضا، ولكن عندما نسمح لأنفسنا بأن نشعر ونحس، فإننا نصبح أقوى.


يمكننا أن نبدأ من خلال الإستماع لأنفسنا ولصوتنا الداخلي بمحبة، والتعبير عن أفكارنا ومشاعرنا من خلال التحدث عنها أو الكتابة أو الرسم أو أي وسيلة إبداعية أخرى. كما يمكننا أن نسمح لأنفسنا بأن نتشاركها مع الآخرين ممن نحب ونثق بهم، إذا كنا نشعر بالراحة في ذلك.


قطرة في المحيط
من المهم أن ندرك - لأنها حقيقة ثابتة - أن الكون يسير والحياة تمضي بشكل جيد من دون أن نتدخل في كل التفاصيل. قد تبدو هذه الفكرة كئيبة للبعض، أما بالنسبة لي شخصياً فإنني أشعر أنها تخلصني من عبء ليس بالضرورة علي تحمله. فكم من وقت وجهد نصب في أمور لا نؤثر فيها إلا قليلاً، وكم من مرة نظن أننا على علم بما هو الأفضل لنا فتفاجؤنا الأحداث بما يفوق توقعاتنا. إن محاولة السيطرة على كل شيء هي محاولة غير مجدية، وليس كل منا سوى جزء صغير من عالم واسع وبالغ التعقيد والاتصال، حيث كل شيء يؤثر على كل شيء. وعلى الرغم من أن لدى كل منا دور صغير نلعبه، لسنا سوى قطرات في بحر واسع المدى وبالغ العمق.


أحد التحديات هنا هو أن معظمنا يعتقد بأنه على علم بما هو الأفضل لمصلحته الشخصية. وقد يكون هذا صحيحا إلى حد ما، لأن هناك دائما مساحة لتطويرأنفسنا وإيجاد سعادة وراحة أكبر في حياتنا. وعملية تطوير الذات هي عملية مستمرة وممتعة إن شئنا لها أن تكون كذلك، ولكن المشكلة تأتي عندما نعتقد بأننا نعلم ما هو الأفضل للآخرين ونعطي أنفسنا الحق في إنتقادهم أو إسداء النصائح لهم أو حتى إعطائهم الأوامر في الأحيان. ويزداد الأمر صعوبة عندما نكون في موقع مسؤولية أو من المتوقع منا أن نكون ذو حكمة، كما في حالة الأم أو الأب أو الزوجة أو الزوج، وتكون بعض الأمور بالفعل تحتاج إلى جهد وتدخل ورأي منا، إنما بعد نقطة معينة لا يعد الأمر في أيدينا ولا بالضرورة يعنينا. عند تلك النقطة تنتهي حدود مسؤوليتنا، وينفتح أمر الشخص على المحيط الشاسع الذي يشكله الكون. وهنا من المفيد أن نتذكر أن نسمح للناس - مهما كانوا أقرباء منا - أن يكونوا كما يريدون بغض النظر عن مدى إختلافهم عنا، دون أن نحكم عليهم أو ننتقدهم أو نعاقبهم. فعندما ندع الناس يكونوا كما يشاؤون، نتعلم نحن بدورنا أن نكون كما نشاء.


الإيمان
إن "تسليم النفس" أمر يتطلب درجة من الإيمان، وليس بالضرورة أن يرتبط هذا الإيمان بدين أو فلسفة معينة، إنما قد ينبت من قيم شخصية مرسخة في جذور الشخص. فالبعض يسلم نفسه لفكرة القدر، والبعض يسلم نفسه لربه، والبعض يختار أن يتخيل أنه قطرة في بحر هذا الكون بكل ما فيه، والبعض "يسلم نفسه" عندما يشعر أنه متصل بالكل عن طريق المحبة أو المادة الفيزيائية أو الإنسانية. ومن ناحية عملية هناك تمرين يجدي نفعاً لدى تعاملنا مع شخص أو موقف صعب، أو شعورنا بالعجز تجاه فهم أمر ما أو التعامل معه، وهو أن نردد لأنفسنا "أسلم نفسي لهذ الموقف/هذه التجربة/هذا الشخص". ولكل منا طريقته في ممارسة معتقداته بالشكل الذي يراه، وهنا يكمن الجمال، في تعبيرنا عن أنفسنا والعيش وفقا لما يريحنا.


هنا. الآن. النعيم.
رحلة "الإستسلام وتسليم النفس" بالنسبة لي كانت ولا تزال رحلة جميلة تجلب شعوراً عميقاً بالرضا وسعادة تعلمت إنني أستحقها وألا أخشاها. أن "نسلم أنفسنا" لا يعني أن نكون خنوعين أو ضعفاء أو سلبيين أو بليدين، على العكس، فإنه يعني أن نقبل كل ما تأتينا الحياة به بصدر رحب وبإيجابية ومحبة وامتنان، أن نرى كم نحن محظوظين ومباركين لمرورنا بتجارب الحياة مهما اختلفت، بمصاعبها وأفراحها، وأن نتذكر بأن هناك دائماً مجال لازدهار المحبة في العالم الذي بداخلنا والعالم الذي بخارجنا.


محبتي،
أمل جعفر

23 September 2016

When I Surrendered to You

 

When I surrendered to you
I surrendered to the universe,
And here we are
Now
In this place, these places,
Being
The most beautiful versions
Of our divinity luminous selves.

There is much silence in here
I don’t have much to talk about
My tongue seems to only want to
Listen
As if it was born to do just so
Listen..

And I..
I am a wave in the ocean that we are
That is..

And you..
You dance in your ways, with all that you are
Mesmerising..

I procrastinate in my sentences..
This present moment is profoundly compelling..
My words need not weave themselves into any fantasy
My imagination need not play
I don’t need to..
I don’t need to write a poem..
I have very little desire to do so
I observe, a witness to this..
I am the poem
You are the poem
We are divine poetry
And into the sparkling magic of poetry
We dissolve..
We surrender..


amal - Aug 2016

Kiss Your Feet

Kiss your feet
Hug yourself
Rub your belly
Taste your lips
Feel your heart
Trace the love in your in-breath
Shower yourself with your out-breath
Make love
To you
To your every cell alive
Be

amal - Sep 2016

09 September 2016

Divine Periods

  
I believe that periods are magical.

Before you start screaming at me in your head, I must say that I understand that this may sound like some hippie yoga fluff, but please do read on. You can comment once you're done reading.

I believe that periods are magical. I find the process of each phase of the monthly menstrual cycle amazing and I feel blessed to have a body capable of such intelligence. My period reminds me of how divine my physical body is, as well as how strong and simultaneously fragile it is.


Perhaps I am also blessed to have, for most of my life, experienced periods with minimal cramps, though at many times the emotional stress, trauma and drama was almost crippling. Thankfully, the more I delved into my yoga practice, the less severe the premenstrual symptoms were, and the more awareness I was grateful to develop towards my body, emotions and even thought patterns.


My Prenatal Yoga teacher, Lina Ma, once mentioned that perhaps many of us feel sad right before our periods because at some level our body has figured out that we are not pregnant this month. Maybe a more physiological version of that would be that the body had spent the biggest chunk of its cycle preparing and chugging hormones for conception to take place, then it doesn’t happen and there’s some kind of chaos to let the uterine lining be pushed out of the body and the hormones back in order.


On a related note, menstrual cups are useful tools to help us get more in touch with our cycles, bodies and emotions. Not only do we get to examine the shedding more closely, but they also teach us to accept and embrace a part of us that is often looked at as “dirty”, and that we can easily just ignore otherwise. You really do get intimate with your own blood. This is how I noticed that on the third day of my cycle, which is usually the heaviest in flow, I feel the lowest. In addition, I have more pronounced cravings and feel over attached. I want more attention and more food and I find it difficult to accept distance and space. My tendency to resist detachment shows clearly. All of this makes me contemplate all those things I need to allow to flow out of me as the blood flows out out through my cervix; stress, sadness, fears, toxic thoughts, toxic behaviour, toxic possessions, etc.


In the Hindu culture, the goddess “Kali”, who represents Mother Nature, the Divine Feminine, courage, strength and empowerment, is also associated with the days of menstruation, she captures the energy of that phase of the cycle. Kali is said to take all the darkness away and cleanses us, she [destroys only to recreate, and what she destroys is sin, ignorance and decay. She is equated with the eternal night, is the transcendent power of time]*.


Perhaps I don’t agree with many cultures that consider a woman in her period as “impure” and cast her away till she is done, but I would also say that in light of the cleansing process that seems to be happening during that time, we deserve to take the time to go inwards and contemplate what’s going on, in whatever way we see fit.


Our bodies are amazing and the observation of what they are capable of can be very insightful once we start to pay attention. As a woman, I truly feel blessed to be able to experience my cycle monthly -effortlessly and without much interference or action from me- and have that as a chance to learn more about myself and improve areas that need attention.


May we all be blessed with love and kindness, to ourselves before anyone else. May we all treasure the miracles that we are. May there be peace. May there be peace. May there be peace.


Love,
Amal

*(source unknown)

20 August 2016

Road to Surrender


Upper Dharamkot, Dharamshala, India
النص بالعربي

Last year, almost around this time, I was beginning to feel broken, hurt, abandoned, and almost hopeless. I found myself in ego-shattering situations, one after the other. The biggest thing that "saved me" and helped me get through was to surrender, to realise I don't always have to be in control. I don't always have to be in my comfort zone. Things don't always have to go according to my plan or wish. When I let go of trying to "be in charge", when I surrendered, it seems that I have welcomed the universe to deliver its gifts (ones beautiful beyond expectation), and myself to be open enough to receive them.

Having said that, I must say that the road of, and to, surrender can be rather rocky, especially when the ego-mind chatters loudly. One of my friends recently asked me a simple question; “How did you surrender, how do you stop that need to be in control and just let the world take you wherever?” This was my answer;

Diminish Fear
One of the main things preventing us from surrender is fear. Fear from losing (things, people, a sense of security, our identities, etc), fear from being hurt, fear from change, fear from the unknown, fear from not having what it takes to deal with that which we fear, etc.. This fear is mainly inherited and passed on to us (and sometimes still trying to be shoved down our throats) by our parents, bless them. Although there might have been a valid reason to practice a degree of fear when we were children, we no longer need that fear.

Fear functions here basically as an emotional "shield" that we wear to "protect" ourselves from being exposed (ref to Max Strom, A Life Worth Breathing, where he elaborates about the emotional “armor”), but it also works to block in feelings and block out experiences, opportunities and love.

Be Vulnerable
While we try to diminish our fears, one of the things we can do is allow ourselves to be vulnerable. All emotions are valid, all thoughts are valid and are part of our human experience. They are much better provided a chance to be expressed (preferably in a welcoming and compassionate environment, with us accepting ourselves fully) than suppressed. It may sound paradoxical, but when we allow our chance to be vulnerable, we are stronger.

We can start by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable between us and ourselves, then expand to also allow ourselves to be vulnerable around others, particularly those we love and trust. I sometimes visualize being vulnerable as having a wound and looking at it with love and compassion rather than hiding it, and showing it to a loved one to also provide love and compassion, without fear of the wound hurting more. We can practice being vulnerable simply by expressing ourselves, through talking, writing, painting, any creative form, or simply by accepting our thoughts and feelings without judgement.

A Drop in the Ocean
Another point is realising -because it IS a fact- that the whole world can survive and function well without our complete interference. We actually have very little control over how our lives progress. All that time we spend trying to be in control is futile, almost like struggling with a gigantic solid wall, because no matter what we do, we are but a tiny part of a vast, massively and complexly connected world. Everything affects everything, and even though we have a tiny role to play in how things go, we are but a drop in a sea.

One of the challenges here is that we think we know what's best for us, which we might, yet the universe keeps surprising us (me at least!) with experiences that we initially resist that turn out to be the "better" best things that ever "happened" to us. So if we don't even know what’s really “best” for us, we definitely don't really know what's best for others. This can be particularly difficult if we are assuming a role of control and/or wisdom, especially when you are a parent or spouse, because you are in a position of responsibility. There are some matters that require our effort, indeed, but after a certain point they are no longer in our hands. At a certain point, the borders of our responsibility end, they open up to the vast ocean that the universe is, which we are but a drop in. This is also a good reminder to let people be, to judge others less and accept people more, regardless of how “different” they are to us. When we let people be, we also learn to let ourselves be.

Faith
Surrendering to the “ocean” requires a degree of faith. This faith doesn’t have to be religious or affiliated with any particular philosophy. To "surrender" we need to surrender to something/someone. For me personally, my faith is in this big cosmic ocean that we are merely drops in, and what reminds me to keep the faith is "signs" I get from my guru, teachers, friends, strangers, animals, situations, sort of like road signs that resonate with my deeply rooted values.

I personally feel connected to all through love, and this love is what fuels the act of surrender. Speaking in more practical terms, when I find a situation/person challenging, I actually say to myself, with love and compassion, "I surrender to X", "I surrender to all that is", "I surrender to this experience", and the same goes when I feel helpless, or simply when something is beyond my comprehension.

We each view and practice our faiths differently, that’s the beauty of it, so see if you can derive faith from that which you believe in, and remind yourself regularly of it.

Here. Now. Bliss.
Surrender has been a beautiful journey, active mostly over the past 3 years. I feel so happy now, and what helps me to keep enjoying this happiness is believing that I deserve it, and rather than fear it, embrace it.

I feel blessed. By all the ups and downs. By all the things that left and those that stayed. This universe we live in is abundant in magical ways. There is always room for love to flourish, and love does wonders. In its own, crazy way, everything is perfect, whole, complete, always.

Perfection
Here's a mantra I love that captures it all, and I leave you with it:
Om
Purnamadah Purnamidam
Purnat Purnamudachyate
Purnasya Purnamadaya
Purnameva Vashishyate
Om shanti, shanti, shanti

Om.
That is perfect,
This is perfect.
When perfection is taken from the perfect,
Perfect alone remains.
Om, peace, peace, peace

Love,
Amal

26 June 2016

Waves


Everything moves like waves of the sea. I love you, your eyes sparkle and gates of the heart flung open and you flood my existence with passion. We make love. I love you. You go. I go.
I miss you. We kiss. You go. I go. I miss you. We melt into an intoxicated cloud of instinctive love that recognises no boundaries.
I go. You go. I go. You go. I go. You go.
We go apart.
I love you still.
I miss you like hell.
I burst into a gush of tears. My heart weeps.
I love you. I miss you. We dance in my heart. I let you go.
I come back to myself.
This. Here. Now. My heart. This is my centre, my home, the only truth that is true.
I love you. I love me. I love all.
I be.
The waves pass.
The waves be.
Chaos be's. Calm be's. All be's.
I be.
I be.
I be.

amal - June 2016

06 March 2016

DT Feature

Happy to have been featured at the Daily Tribune, Bahrain. Was a beautiful treat from the universe :)
To read the full article you can click here.

13 February 2016

حُرة



ولدت
لأثور
على كل التوقعات مني
على كل القيود
أبشعها وأجملها
أفظعها وألطفها
لا أطيق القوالب ولا الأحذية
لا أطيق الحدود ولا الأحجبة
لا أطيق الحب الخانق
ولا الدفء الحارق
دعوني أحلق في فضاء بالي
غيمةً وردية
تدندن لحنا حراً
وترقص عليه
منتشية

أمل
12 فبراير 2016

03 November 2015

On Femininity

Sitting at a temple watching my beloved Guru perform puja (prayers) on a statue of Goddess Narayani (“universal mother”, symbol of wisdom, abundance and strength) on a lotus-shaped stage, it dawned on me, I have, for as long as I could remember, always rejected my femininity.


I grew up in a relatively socially liberal family. My mother had for long been a women’s right activist. My father repeatedly affirmed he considers my younger brothers and me equal. Theoretically it sounded splendid. Practically, I never really saw I was treated equally, often in over-consideration of the socially conservative society we live in. This left me feeling quite frustrated.


At the age of 12 I found myself diving in the rich, dense books of Nawal El Saadawi, a renowned Egyptian feminist writer and activist. Page after page she told devastating stories about oppressed women and men, brutal inequality and sexual abuse. Her stories reflected how gravely inequality was prevalent among all, even the so-called elite and educated. Her books were my bible and although I don’t anymore adopt such extreme views as she carries, she is probably the reason I almost never wear make-up. Her ideas and stories made me view the world drastically differently, and I began perceiving many acts by women as submissive and many by men as oppressive. I developed a highly sensitive sexism-sensor and refused all expectations of me acting like a submissive female, the biggest of which was marriage.


As a result, I spent my early teenage years being quite aggressive and trying to walk and pose like a boy and the other half of my teenagehood breaking as many social rules and taboos as possible, doing exactly what I wanted in an act of roaring rebellion against all attempts of gender oppression. I was angry. I was furious at society.


I had a love-hate relationship with fellow girls. I loved the fun and intimacy with my female friends, but was repulsed by all acts of weakness, submission and superficiality. I had a love-fear relationship with boys. I loved freedom and openness with my male companions, but was unknowingly afraid they would think of me as weak, stupid and emotional, being a “lesser” sex.


Dating a hardcore communist for 7 years didn’t help either. There was a constant struggle, within myself more than anything else, to be the woman I yearned to be in that intimate relationship. Getting married was perceived as submissive and shameful. Often self-suppressing my emotions and avoiding expressing them was the norm until bursts of explosions happened every now and then, and until it ended.


There I was - absolutely free yet utterly confused about finding a balance between embracing myself, with all my thoughts, emotions, needs and desires, most of which I directly or subtly thought were weak and shameful, on one hand and being “strong”, independant and “collected” on the other.


One door opens to the other, one heart connects to another and I find myself listening to lectures by Waleed HashimReiki Jin Kei Do and EnerSense Master and an expert in interpersonal relationships and romantic love. He tells tales about how we all are made of both feminine and masculine energy, how for most of us we are dominated by one and not the other, though by a distorted version of it, and how both energies are neither “good” nor “bad” and neither “strong” nor “weak”; living with them at peace is merely a matter of keeping the energy balanced within us and allowing it to be and act with love and for love.


However, it is difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror, wearing this sleeveless top or that short dress, letting my afro wild and loose, with my tiny feet and slender cheek bones, with my strong and (generally) rarely suppressed opinions, with my love for singing, dancing and cooking and my insistence to get things done on my own, after all the stories I have been through and all the strong feminist stances I took and the loving yogic thoughts I expressed, it is difficult after all these years to stare into the deep oceans of my sparkling, curious eyes and say,
“I love the feminine in me as much as I love the masculine in me. I fully understand that neither are good nor bad. I fully understand that I am made up of both and it no longer matters which I am dominated by. I love how my masculinity inspires me to get things done, to be practical and to assume responsibility when required. I love how my femininity inspires me to take a break when needed, to comfort people but also be taken care of, to express my thoughts and feelings unashamedly and allow my tears to flow as often as they would like for whatever reason it may be. It doesn’t matter what I wear, I fully love and respect myself. It doesn’t matter what people see, it is merely a reflection of their own selves. I embrace my desire to love and be loved. I embrace my need to feel independent. I embrace my desire to be carried and nurtured. I embrace my desire to be married and have my own home with a loving and compassionate partner.”


It is difficult to say at first, but it can be seen, it can be said, it has been said and it will be said over and over again until the lies that spread in the back of my head wash away. I refuse to walk around the rest of my life feeling like part of me is broken, shameful and ugly. I am fed up acting out of fear of being hurt or judged. I am ready to embrace my perfection whatever it may be. I am ready for love. My arms are open. My mind is open. My heart is open.

Amal - Nov 2015

01 November 2015

Temple


At the temple that you are
My heart melts
Love
I bathe in your warm, gentle light
I surrender at your feet
Grounded
Blessed.

Amal - Nov 2015

26 September 2015

On Reaching Out for Care

Fifteen years ago, I fell sick for the first time away from the warm and caring arms of my mother. I had left home to go to university abroad. I didn’t particularly feel bad about being sick; what upset me was that there was no one there to take care of me. It was just a cold, I could handle it, but for the first time, I had to handle it alone.

Fast forward to the present moment, I have been suffering on and off from a sore throat for a few weeks. Refusing any allopathic medicine, the process of natural healing is slow. I am giving my body the time to figure out how to gather its strength on its own and clear itself off whatever is in it, using nothing to help but honey, lemon and a few natural herbs and spices.

Within this slow healing process I’ve had much space and time to study myself and behaviour. I am being reminded to slow down and not work my physical body too hard. I am reminded to close my mouth and retreat to home to rest my throat, despite the tempting invitations to go out with friends. I am reminded to listen, most importantly to myself. It turns out, while listening, there’s a faint voice in the back of my head that still wants, rather expects, to be looked after when I am unwell. So is this voice coming from somewhere healthy? Or is this a new issue I have to “deal with”?

Could this be one of the main signs of being an independant mature adult, when you finally stop expecting others to look after you, heal your wounds or take initiative to help you out of trouble? What’s peculiar is that, growing up, I have often suffered for feeling lonely and unloved, yet simultaneously continued to act as independent as possible, fixing things on my own and rarely reaching out for help from others. I am recently finally learning to let go and receive love in all its forms and shapes without feeling weak or dependant for doing so.

What about this, though? For some reason I expect that half of my physical pain from this illness would fade if I felt a warm hand stroking my hair and a loving chest holding me close, if I even just knew that someone out there cares. Love is healing, emotionally and pranicly. Love is nourishing and essential to our existence and it is as important to experience it externally as we do internally (bearing in mind both expressions are one, only illusionary separated by the mind).

However, I still remain confused as to where the line is drawn between healthy dependency (which is part of our natural coexistence in this universe) and unhealthy expectations. Should I pick up the phone and call someone to come over and massage my back? Or should I let go and drag myself to the nearest Ayurvedic doctor? I don’t know. Taking it moment by moment, nevertheless, I shall keep observing my thoughts as I sip on fresh ginger juice, lemon and honey mix and chamomile tea.

Bless.

Amal - Sep 2015

25 September 2015

Loving You

This is it
This is it
Me loving you with all my passion
Me loving you with all my silence
With all my words
With all my strokes
With all my flesh, my bites, my kisses

This is it
This is it
I love you with all I am
I adore every cell of you
I bow to your heavenly beauty

This is it
This is it
I see me in you
I see you in me
Entwined
I see One

This is it
My heart is flooding with love
What is this
Is this okay?
My ears are talking of you
My mouth smells you
My eyes taste your sweetness
Your love is throbbing in this chest
And I want nothing
Nothing more
But to tell you I love you.

Amal - Sep 2015